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Haven't Blogged in quite a while. Have been reading a lot of blogs, who knows, maybe I'll get into again.

So I was reading through my old Livejournal...

Yeah, I had a livejournal in highschool. I last update was in January of 2006. It's funny to reminisce, I was such a different person. I mean, I was me, but a lot younger I guess. I liked reading the comments and remembering the people I interacted with during that time of my life. I loved reading my old poems... brought back some intense emotions.

last on I wrote on there:

Give me a kiss
A thrust of the hips
Just a little taste of this
So you know what to miss

I'm sure you won't mind
Give me a little of your time
Don't worry everything will be fine
What once was yours now is mine

Come on, join the ride
Lust, envy and pride
with nothing left to hide
You'll find it much easier to decide

Go ahead, make the wrong choice
or leave it up to us boys
We'll help hush that noise
You won't even need Your voice

Nobody can hear you anyway
Sit there baby, just stay
I'll be back another day
No you can't go out to play

Shorter, but similar emotions, same person.

your love is like fire
your eyes burn desire
your lust is my hate
your thrust i await
your violence is filling
and i find myself willing
to be taken and had
its only good, because its bad


I also posted one of my favorite poems of all time, "Highway man" Look it up if you're interested, it's too long to add here.

[04 Mar 2005|11:34am]

oh my god october 15th

That ^^ was a horrible, horrible day.




I close my eyes
to pause my life
take a deep breath
try to catch the rest
its cold all around
but inside i've found
there's blood in my veins
and it warms my days
to know my heartbeat
can fill me with heat
to continue my life
with eyes open wide


two randoms


What happened to the sun these days?
it just doesn't seem to shine as bright,
but its heat grows completely unbearable.

It's like a person losing all the ways
to know how to do everything just right
A revolution of morality soon unbreakable.


This was weird to read: "This has to be one of the hardest emails I've ever written..." It was a 'goodbye' email to someone I had to cut out of my life for a time, but eventually we were able to salvage our friendship. We will always be friends.


This was probably the strangest thing to read... living such a life now that I, quite obviously, never thought I would. 


We're feeding on the flesh of our children.
Honestly, how could you kill them?
You sent them far and away
to be abandoned on their dieing day.
They sinned for your machine
doing deeds we wish we'd never seen.
Then you left all of their bones
in distant lands forever unknown.
And all you can offer their mothers
is a flag on their coffin for comfort.


Yeah, that one gets me....


This is one of my favorites:


What do you do when your cross is on fire -
and you're finding your faith is quite uninspired?
You fold up your hands when your eyes grow tired
and you pray to your gods through invisible wires.

What do you do when your heart cannot feel -
and you just need something to help it heal?
You turn to those people who pretend to be real
and they feed you a dish full of false appeal.

So please let me ask you once more my dear,
What do you do when your head can't hear
and your filling your heart too full of fear
What do you do when you look in your mirror?


I love this one:


To the sinners and the saints
here's what i have to say
watch the way you talk
and all the ways you walk
for they all show
us what you know
and what you will become
when your days have come undone
and your life's web is spun
we hold to us dear
all that we fear
the loss of a soul
grown far too old
is unwillingly downcast
so i have something to ask
i ponder the human task
to cry at the parting
of a life that is vexed
i find it disheartening
that we fear what comes next
why can't we accept
that everyone must leave
to move onto their next
Our children we deceive
heads filled with dreams
of faraway places
and perfected faces
why don't we let them see
that imperfection breeds
the best parts of us all
for even when we fall
we must stand up once more
and when we are down
we must even the score
find who you are
and find who you match
live to the fullest
and make every moment last
acceptance is rendered
open-minded every day
and always remember
to let come what may


I wrote these two during all the hurricanes:


It was in that moment, as I stood in the street
And felt the winds howling all around me,
I knew what it felt like to truly be free;
Supported by nothing but the air we breathe
And the tippy-toes on the ends of my feet,
I looked around as far as my eyes could see
And everything my vision touched was pure beauty.
_______________________________

I find my thoughts are free to fly
never to be stopped by this awe-inspiring sky
And I know that on this mystic night
I could surely live and die a thousand times
Fore I know in my heart it is quite alright
to live such an infinite life as mine.


OK I guess that's all for now. Random old poems lol I haven't written in years btw. 

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

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Day 15 lost in Afghanyland....

Haha that title reminds of my mom and family. We'd be some where random like a huge mall and not find our way back the way we came in and we start off "Day 267, lost in the Florida Mall... we've raided all the foods spots, now we've begun eye-balling the juicy calf of the youngest one. He doesn't have a lot of meet on his bones, but he'd be the easiest to take down." Yeah, totally random I know. I love my family.

So, I did shoulders in the gym yesterday, chest the day before. My chest is still hella sore today. Probably because I had to talk shit to my 1st Sergeant. He's has started going to the gym and lifting weights (maybe for the first time in his life?) with our commander. They did chest day the before us and my 1Sgt did the chest press with 40 lb dumb bells. Of course I had to tell him how cute it was that he could press as much as me.... Haha! I don't usually press 40's, because I'm not trying to bulk up just get toned and maintain. So typically I do lighter weight with more reps. BUUUUTTTT.... Since I had talked a big game to my 1Sgt I had to try to press 40's. I did do one set, but only about eight reps before losing it. Then I dropped back down to 30's for 15 reps. I think this best explains my extra soreness even after shoulders still feeling it in my chest. Oh and probably because we finished shoulder day with 100 push-ups and sit-ups.... Yeah, that may have something to do with it, too. Doing arms today, gotta climb that rope a few more times, show 'em how it's done.

Had another IDF last night. Unfortunately this time I was in my office, which is a litte B-hut (pretty much a plywood building) so we had to go sit in the bunker for an hour. Bunkers are not very comfortable; it was much nicer being in the dining facility (DFAC) when the last one went off. But I'd rather be uncomfortable and alive, right? I guess it's odd that these already don't really bother me, but I guess it's mostly the mentality of 'hey, what else can I do?'

We have The Hurtlocker on in my office today, it's a good movie. I think it's funny to watch with all the guys and sit and critique everything; like 'Yeah, that isn't right,' or 'You know that would never happen,' but it's still a great movie.

I've probably got about a week and half or so left here on BAF (Bagram Air Field) before I get to head out to one of the smaller fobs (forward operating base). I should be falling under 1st Infantry Division, (1st ID)  3rd Brigade. That will be cool because when my dad was in the army he was in the 1st ID. Also about 3/4's of the way through my deployment, 1st Calvary Division (1st CAV) who is currently in command of my region, will be handing over command to 1st ID, so I will fall directly under them. This means that the combat patch I wear on my uniform can be theirs. My daddy wore that patch when he was in and I will be able to wear it, too.

I might be doing a story here on BAF tomorrow night; I will follow up on that if it comes through. Really though, I am looking forward to getting out there with the 'ground pounders' as they say, and getting the story from the front lines.

Fitness Tracking Begins

Bicep - 13"

(I don't want this to get any bigger, but not gonna lie I'm kinda proud of that definition ;)

Chest - 37"
Waist - 30"

Hips - 38"

So here is the beginning. Day one so to speak... day one of my tracking, but as I said before I've been working on this for about a year already. I am excited to see what the difference will be a year from now, with no distractions from the gym. Except of course, the hard work on missions which shouldn't hinder my progress. Yesterday we did back, which consisted of pull-ups and rowers. Today we did legs, squats with approximately 140 lbs on the smith machine, some calf and hamstring lifts. I've also climbed the rope up to three times in one session. I never climbed one before and I was pretty proud of myself for that. Of course I use a lot of legs for assistance, but still...

As far as Afghanistan goes... I don't know yet I guess. Having not left the base yet it still hasn't really hit me I guess. Well, the indirect fire the other night was something else. Although I found it quite funny that I woke up from the alarm, thought WTF and called my NCO (which is like my supervisor and definitely the person I feel the most confident in within my entire detachment) put my IOTV (body armor) on over my PT clothes, laid down on my bed and texted my friend from middle school (she is in the Airforce and happens to be here for part of the time I am here, AMAZING, I know :) then I actually fell asleep before hearing the 'all clear' or anything. That's the part that surprised me the most I think, falling asleep not only in such a nerve wracking situation, which I had never experienced before, but also in such an awkward half sitting up position in this ridiculously large body armor. It actually kind of makes me laugh to picture myself there. No one was seriously hurt in the attack, those things are never accurate because those guys just don't have the technology for it. Anyway, that is really the only thing I've experienced thus far, a nice woman's voice over an intercom telling me we were hit and some smoke in the air.

The dynamic of our unit has kind of changed, which is to be expected considering that we are in a totally different work environment then Garrison (US). I have two soldiers that I am going to take care of and do my best to mentor during this deployment. They are Broadcast Journalists like me, where as my former soldier was a print journalist. It seemed more appropriate in this environment to have seniors and subordinates that work on the same products work together. Makes sense right? I think so, too. The soldier that I worked with before was awesome and it is kind of weird to not be there for him like I was before, but I hope he knows that no matter what I would still do anything in my power to help him. My new soldiers are very different and I think will offer different challenges for me to learn to work with and over come. My goals during this year include maxing my fitness (obviously) becoming the best leader I can, improving my broadcast skills, expanding on my photography and print style skills and most importantly for every single one of the men and women in my unit to come home safely.

I would say I am very happy with the way my life is going. I don't think I ever really expected to fit into the military in the way that I have. It actually still surprises sometimes. I have those moments like, 'wow, I'm really here doing this right now.' Yeah, I love it... most of the time.

So I guess this blog entry ended up being a lot more about my deployment then fitness. So I was right in my previous post. We'll see how the next one unfolds :)

 

Blog Cherry Popped

So I am starting this blog during my deployment. I've been in Afghanistan for about a week. I personally think it's too early to tell just how this whole thing will be. However, I generally have a pretty positive outlook on life and am really looking forward to the adventure this year is going to be.

Initially I wanted to start this blog to help keep track of my fitness while I am here. I started hitting the gym pretty hard about a year ago. That's in addition to the Army's daily Physical Training (PT) program. I plan on working hard this year to get my body into top physical condition. I will take measurements and photo's later to post with dates so I can eventually form a time line of progress.

I can easily see this blog being more then that, though. For instance I may post about my exciting (to me) adventures and my numerous bitches, moans and gripes. It's my blog so I can do what I want with it. :)